The Phrases given by A Dad That Saved Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to talk between men, who still internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."